Pride

Learning is an act of humility. We take a role not in control but rather a role of submission. We let our defenses down and we try not to act as we know everything but, rather we admit that we may not know everything about a certain topic. The question is how do we learn from? Do we have a learning posture in life? Are there people that we are pretty sure don't have anything to teach us? As Americans we are inbred with the thinking that we are right and superior to many others in the world. But do we have it right about most things? Are we the utopian society that doesn't need to learn from others? I have been thinking about the concept of living by faith. It is very hard for me to grasp this. I have been trying to think of the worst case scenerio of my life. My house could burn down, my family could be killed, and I could lose my job. But I am sure even in that worst case scenerio I could still find a place to live, find food to eat, and probably have clothes to keep me warm. Even if all that happen my life would be much better than most who live on this planet. So as I think about learning how to live by faith I realize that people who aren't white American's probably have a much better grasp on depending on God than most people I know. This is just one of the topics that I need to humbly learn about. Pride can stunt my growth in so many different ways. I can look around me and see everyone else going the same way or having the same philosophy on something but does that make it right or true?

Have to vs want to

What motivates us in life? When we go through our list of things we have to do during a week it would appear that a good chunk of our time is things we have to do. We have to work, we have to do this we have to do that. How many times have we thought or said "if only I had the time to...." The question is is time really the issue? With every single person having the same amount of hours in a week is this a valid argument? I'm not sure how each of us come to the conclusion of what is important, it may be faith, career ambitions, family, or something else. However we choose what is important drives the list of have tos. As I think about my life, my list of "have tos" is short if money is the motivating factor. In essence I work to get paid with money 25 hours a week. I'm sure this is an example I would encourage anyone else to follow. I recently told someone I worked only 25 hours and they started fantasizing about what so little work would mean for them. They started saying oh all I could get done, to be able to relax and not do anything. As I was thinking about those comments, I wasn't sure if I should be offended or take a look at my life and reevaluate the way I spend my time. Then I started thinking through the various things I did, the values I hold, and what motivates me. Can money be the sole motivator in life? I know I would like more and there are some things I would do if I had more money. But is that going to make me happier, or more fullfilled? I have freedom with my time, I can pick and choose what I do and don't do. Freedom is a blessing, but I do believe with every freedom (no matter what) comes responsability. What is my responsibility for my time? I believe first and foremost I am accountable to God with my time. If Jesus is the one example I would use to live my life how can I spend my time like He did? How can I care for, love, encourage, and to some small degree help others? Many times living with a special needs person we put the thought of "I have to do this for them." It is a bother or a burden. But is it really? What else would I be doing? What else is more important than the care and love I give Kyle on a daily basis. There are days when I do feel the drudgery but loving him isn't so much a chore as it is an honor.

The question of why?

I am pretty convinced I don't understand the why of most situations in life.

I am reminded of a story in the old testament and Joseph is sitting in jail. (which the question of why could be asked of his life). As he is sitting in the jail he has two men come up to him to interpret dreams they had. Long story short one is exaunerated and goes back to his normal life and the other is hung. There isn't much more back story to this story. I have no idea what either man did. But one life turned out pretty good the other not so good.

It is easy for me to physco analyze each situation and person I come in contact with. It is easy for me to judge and give an opinion and logical reasons why this person is in a good place in life or why they aren't. Of course the good place in life is by my definition.

As Mother Teresa said "If you judge people you have no time to love them." I have found that so true in my life. I can easily make the question of "why" center to each interaction I have with a person. But is that the most helpful and important part of my encounter with any person I meet?

If someone is different than me for any number of reasons (race, economic status, physical or mental ability or disability) does my opinion and pre determined ideas jump to the forefront of my mind?

I am trying to have peace without knowing the why answer for both my life and others around me. In the end my opinion on "why" really doesn't matter.

Loving people the second command behind loving God is so much more difficult than I realize. I wish the command had been love God and fix people. Trying to fix people is a little easier concept than loving people. Fixing is what we do naturally, if we see something different with someone we want to make them like us. It makes us feel more comfortable and right.

It is difficult for me to see a situation or a person who can't be "fixed." This is one of the reason I feel that it is so hard for dads of special needs children. We can't "fix" them. We can't make them "normal". So how do we love them as is? How can we be at peace with just loving?

There are many things in life I would love to learn. But one of the biggest is not having to answer why all the time. If I could be at peace with that I may be freed up to love.

Almost 20% of Indiana Students are in special ed classes

That was the headline from our local paper yesterday. It is actually 16% of students in Indiana.

Having two children in special ed classes, I can see the positives of having children struggling in mainstream enviornment and placing them in special ed classes. Both Ellyse and Kyle have done fairly well in their classes. Ellyse especially, as she is on the border of needing the special ed assistance.

The flip side becomes what does this do long term? What does this label invoke? How does this become a stigma that she carries with her? Does this play a part in how she is treated by her peers? Does her academics prepare her for a college education or does this disqualify her?

Some of the questions may have easy and simple answers and some may not play out for years.

Here is a link to the article: http://www.nwitimes.com/news/local/lake/hammond/nearly-percent-of-indiana-students-in-special-education/article_e8b8d0a6-440a-5547-b48d-aac877a97d79.html

You can pre order saving our sons and daughters too

You can pre order by clicking on the link. This book is a Chicken soup style book about Duchene Muscular Dystrophy. There are 40 different authors affected by dmd and I wrote part of Kyle's story for it.

dealing with pain

Romans 7:15-
"For I do not understand my own actions. For I do not do what I want, but I do the very thing I hate."

Last night I was again made aware of how a verse like this plays out in someones life. A young mother of 2 children who used to be one of my "youth group" kids died of a drug overdose a few months ago. I unfortunately didn't find out until yesterday. It is doubtful that many on this path plan to die, plan to ruin their lives, the plan is to ease the pain for a moment and then go on with life. Getting help down the road, or feeling guilty immediately afterwards, letting people down.

This is the second encounter of death by overdose I have experienced in the last week. A good friend of mine spoke at another young man's funeral last week who also succumed to his addiction.

Pain comes in all different forms of life. There are multiple thoughts that have run through my head over the past week.

1. Pain comes to families in many different ways. I have had it said to me that maybe God gave Kyle this disease so he wouldn't get involved in drugs or other addictions. I think that was an extremely outlandish thing to say but on the flip side, I know that those families that deal with the addiction of a loved one is extremely painful. Seeing it semi first hand, the worry and the wonder never leaves the family. The life time struggle for so many rips families apart.

2. Masking pain comes in many forms. Inner turmoil needs to be dealt with some how and there are easier ways than others to deal with it. Well the short term that is.

3. I had someone come up to me at church on Sunday who I hadn't seen in months when asked why he told me he had made some bad decisions and stayed away. I get it when we are living ashamed and guilt filled lives we want to stay away, but is that the best thing?

As I think of my situation and dealing, coping, surviving, struggling through pain and hurt it is easy to mask and hide it. I want to escape on a regular basis and I do sometimes. It may not be illegal and it may not be deemed dangerous but I still have the same mentality. I have regrets, I have issues, I can relate to Paul when he said "I dont understand my actions." I guess in some way I do understand I want to escape, I want to leave a situation I can't control. I want to leave the mundane.

As I continue to process through dealing with pain, my heart aches with those struggling through addiction and those around them. My heart aches for those who feel ashamed and hide it.


People ask me many times why I became a pastor, or am a follower of Jesus. It can simply summed up by Mark 2:14 when Jesus was asked why He came he said "It is not the healthy who need a doctor, but the sick. I have not come to call the righteous, but sinners."

Having a relationship with a God who understands and is with us while we are in pain and suffering gets me through life on a daily basis.

Time flies

I had this strange epiphany the other night as our family was driving home from our weekly Friday night family dinner. We were flipping through the radio stations and we passed a 1980s song. I can't remember which classic band it was- Wham, whitesnake, men at work or some other band that immortilized that decade. As I was calculating the time between now and the early 1980s it was 30 years ago. I realized that when I was listening to this song in the 80s it was the 1950s that was 30 years earlier.

Time travels very quickly. Way to quickly, Kyle will be celebrating his 12th Birthday. As each week speeds by the feeling of time slipping through our hands also happens. I unfortunately do not cherish the moments very much in life. I tend to look to the future and am preoccupied with fear, hope, and excitement for what lies ahead. It is extremely difficult to sit still and enjoy today.

I have to force myself to slow down and savor times. This week I have the opportunity to do this. While Jill is in Florida, I have the time to enjoy my kids. I have the priviledge of taking them to dance class which Ayden is now a part of. (side note) last week when Ayden was getting his haircut the hairdresser asked Ayden if he played any sports. His response was "No I am more into dance."

I get to do all the mundane things of getting them dressed, ready, and off to school. Talk, listen, and help them with homework. There maybe (will be) stressful moments in this week. But there are only so many of these moments left. There are only so many moments left of childhood. Before I know it, 10 more years will pass.

Regrets come in many ways, shapes, and sizes. Regrets of how I used my time is going to be on the top of my list. The book of Ecclesiastes addresses many of these life issues. Throughout Ecclesiastes the author writes that so many parts of life is meaningless, futile, vain, or empty.

In the end of the book his summation is to "Fear God and keep his commands."

Even as I spend this next week with my kids, how is that being shown and taught to them. How is fearing God and keeping his commands being taught to my kids? How am I coveying to them that many of the pursuits of life are meaningless?

When Lady Gaga is a distant memory am I still going to be struggling with the same issues as now? Are my kids going to be searching in vain for fullfillment in ways that can't be fullfilled?