"Friends go in each others rooms"

One day last summer we were leaving our house, and two of the neighbor boys were sitting on the curb. They were laughing and having a good time. Kyle who was in the back of the van looked over at them and said "they are best friends." Then with a sigh he said "I wish I had a best friend."

Having a special needs child comes with different hurdles and problems throughout childhood. One of the issues that we have encountered is the issue of friendship with Kyle. One of my biggest fears was what if he never has any friends? What if the only people who know him are his family? Maybe this is the way it will be and maybe that is ok.

Our other two children have friends and have "play dates" quite a bit. Kyle has asked many times for a play date, and he gets very sad when he sees his brother and sister go to friends houses or friends come to our house.

I didn't know if there was a solution to this problem, I wasn't even sure if this was a problem. If it was a problem it was only a small one, in my mind. But it has really bothered Kyle for the past couple of years.

He has cousins who he loves to play with, and enough family to keep him from being lonely.

Then the other day out of the blue, Kyle announced he had a best friend. This was a big burden lifted from his shoulders, it was evident that he had been thinking about this for some time.

I was a little suprised when he announced this best friend. He told Jill and I the friends name, and it was a boy who had spent some time with Kyle and probably didn't think the same way, but Kyle was so excited. He told us he wanted to invite him to his birthday, and wanted to have sleepovers.
I asked him what best friends do his answer was "friends go into each others rooms."

Kyle is very protective of his room and his stuff. So this is somewhat of an important revelation that Kyle wants to let someone into his room to play with his toys.

I believe it is more than just the physical aspect of allowing someone into his room, Kyle wants "friends" to be in his life. This inate desire for friendship and relationship is within all of us.

Kyle doesn't always know how to explain or communicate but there is the same desires and needs in his life as there are in all of us.

The hard part for us has been how do we help fill those needs and desires? We focus so much on the physical needs that we sometimes neglect the emotional, and spiritual needs.

We are learning and enjoying the journey as Kyle enters friendships.

Now we are a little worried when the other day Kyle mentioned a girl that may be a friend, when I asked him what he thought about her- he told me "I love her." Now that is a totally different subject.