dealing with pain

Romans 7:15-
"For I do not understand my own actions. For I do not do what I want, but I do the very thing I hate."

Last night I was again made aware of how a verse like this plays out in someones life. A young mother of 2 children who used to be one of my "youth group" kids died of a drug overdose a few months ago. I unfortunately didn't find out until yesterday. It is doubtful that many on this path plan to die, plan to ruin their lives, the plan is to ease the pain for a moment and then go on with life. Getting help down the road, or feeling guilty immediately afterwards, letting people down.

This is the second encounter of death by overdose I have experienced in the last week. A good friend of mine spoke at another young man's funeral last week who also succumed to his addiction.

Pain comes in all different forms of life. There are multiple thoughts that have run through my head over the past week.

1. Pain comes to families in many different ways. I have had it said to me that maybe God gave Kyle this disease so he wouldn't get involved in drugs or other addictions. I think that was an extremely outlandish thing to say but on the flip side, I know that those families that deal with the addiction of a loved one is extremely painful. Seeing it semi first hand, the worry and the wonder never leaves the family. The life time struggle for so many rips families apart.

2. Masking pain comes in many forms. Inner turmoil needs to be dealt with some how and there are easier ways than others to deal with it. Well the short term that is.

3. I had someone come up to me at church on Sunday who I hadn't seen in months when asked why he told me he had made some bad decisions and stayed away. I get it when we are living ashamed and guilt filled lives we want to stay away, but is that the best thing?

As I think of my situation and dealing, coping, surviving, struggling through pain and hurt it is easy to mask and hide it. I want to escape on a regular basis and I do sometimes. It may not be illegal and it may not be deemed dangerous but I still have the same mentality. I have regrets, I have issues, I can relate to Paul when he said "I dont understand my actions." I guess in some way I do understand I want to escape, I want to leave a situation I can't control. I want to leave the mundane.

As I continue to process through dealing with pain, my heart aches with those struggling through addiction and those around them. My heart aches for those who feel ashamed and hide it.


People ask me many times why I became a pastor, or am a follower of Jesus. It can simply summed up by Mark 2:14 when Jesus was asked why He came he said "It is not the healthy who need a doctor, but the sick. I have not come to call the righteous, but sinners."

Having a relationship with a God who understands and is with us while we are in pain and suffering gets me through life on a daily basis.