Reflection

The other day a nurse asked Jill how long Kyle had been in a wheelchair full time. Her answer was "September." I couldn't believe it had been so long. As I reflect on the first 8 or so months since Kyle has been wheelchair bound it has flown by. There have been many adjustments in life. The physical ones were the first ones we realized. The physical work of moving Kyle for the first three months was literally back braking. At night Jill and I would lay in bed just exhausted after talking quite a few pain killers. After getting a new van and learning how to move his weight that pain has subsided some. The getting up every couple of hours a night is still a process of working through and learning how to function with it. The physical side of having a child go into a wheelchair is the first and urgent learning curve. That seems to become a primary focus of life and seems to be seen in every part of life. The emotional and mental part isn't seen so quickly. It has only been in the last couple of weeks that I have seen the emotional and mental toll this has taken. Between lack of sleep, exerting energy on daily living for Kyle, and just the long journey ahead it is daunting. I am not sure how one prepares oneself for something like this. The physical side happens because there is a need and it happens. The mental health is something that can go neglected. We continue to adjust our lives. We got a call last night at 7:45 to come visit some friends. I laughed because Jill and I were both in bed close to falling asleep. We have realized that we go to bed by 8 oclock most nights. I have tried playing softball and I have struggled to stay awake. It has been a struggle to continue keeping up with relationship we have. It is very hard to have conversations with others while most of the free time we have is being with Kyle. (at least have some interesting stories with buying storage units :)). While the lack of energy has played a part in our social life the emotional energy going through the day with Kyle is also a huge factor. One of the things I have realized in the past few months is that not only is Kyle going to take a lot of physical energy but equally he is going to take as much mental energy. That one is tough to get use to. In some ways I feel a shell of a person I was even six months ago, but this is the scenerio and situation God has put us in. Character is built in all of us, this wouldn't have been the way I would have envisioned it to be. It is easy for me to try and escape but in the end Kyle with his dry humor, wit, and observations on life keeps me engaged. Being engaged is so much more work and energy but in the end it is worth it.