Upbringing

Sometimes we see common themes emerge in conversations over the course of time. One that has intrigued me of late is upbringing. There were a few conversations in the past week that have revolved around this topic.
Upbringing is not an excuse for long term, but in the short term it can really mess someone up.
What is deemed normal in many households is anything but. This am I was talking to a 25 year old who has been in and out of prison since he was 14. I asked what were the factors and reasons why you went down this path. "My uncle had me go with him to kill two people. We didn't kill them but I got an attempted murder case." This young man isn't from an inner city he is from the country in southern Indiana.
Another conversation with a young homeless man in our community. When I asked him about his home life, when I was in my teenage years my step mom told me I was a burden to them and that I should commit suicide so they wouldn't have to put up with me.
Another young man in his early twenties had gotten kicked out of his house when he was 12 and had hitchhiked through the us and had done various jobs. When I asked if he would go back to live with his mother? The answer was definitely no because of her drug issues.
The saddest yet most hopeful conversation was with a man this am in prison who has spent 37 years consecutively behind bars, but has been in and out of locked up facilities since he was 8. He is 53 and going to be released in two years. He came from an alcoholic family where both parents were drunk most of the time.
Even at 8 he knew something was different with his family. They were poor he stole and his dad would beat him but then take the stuff that he had stolen.
This man has every reason to be bitter, angry, and hopeless but that isn't the case. He has changed, in his own words. Prison hasn't defeated him. It took a long time though, he hasn't been a model prisoner, he struggled up until the last 10 years. He had gotten write ups, conduct reports, but for some reason there were some officers and inmates who invested in this man. They continued to challenge and encourage him. One night he shared he was watching a st jude telethon and it hit him that there were people in much worse condition than he was. From that point on he had a spiritual awakening and has devoted his life to raising money for others less fortunate than himself.
He did get himself in trouble for gathering donations for a cancer fundraiser and giving each donor a cigarette (nicotine is prohibited) the disciplinary committee said you have a great heart and your motives are correct but the means aren't good.
He is excited about getting out of prison, he has never driven a car, he has never went to an amusement park, never eaten a steak. He in an extremely innocent tone said one of the first things I want to do is play with some toy trucks in a pile of dirt.
One of the things that struck me in each of these conversations is that each of them don't want pity, they didn't want anything from me. The young man whose step mom had told him to commit suicide was extremely proud of being in college despite being homeless. The 25 year old is looking forward to getting out of prison and being a truck driver so he can support his 9 year old son.
Parenting affects a lot of our lives especially when we are younger, but it isn't a death sentence. It doesn't mean this is the way it always has to be.
The man who spent 37 years in prison asked me as we were leaving today why do you come here? My only response is so I can see hope.